Relaxation Corner

( Take a break, Read a joke )

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!

" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."

Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told god. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.

When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

God says "That was the screen saver"

One day, Mr Bean gets a new born child. So he starts filling the birth certificate. At the same time, a couple who are touring India, met him and congratulated him on getting a son. Mr Bean is very happy.The next day, the couple go to Delhi. There they find the very same Bean writing the very same form. The puzzled couple approached Mr Bean and asked him " Mr Bean, yesterday, we saw you at Mumbai filling the same certificate, but today you are here?" Mr Bean replies "I came here because on the certificate it said: "WRITE IN CAPITAL."

At the examination hall, Mr Bean was reading the instructions on the question paper before crying out in despair. He thought for a while and started stripping his shirt, pants, & hellip; On seeing that, the invigilator rushed forward and asked "Bean why are you stripping yourself?" To which Mr Bean replied "But the instruction say: "ANSWER IN BRIEF."

IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD IT ALREADY !!!>
General Motors vs. Microsoft

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Mr. Gates' comments, General Motors issued the following press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO) "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

	For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice daily.
	Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car
	Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
	Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats
	Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.
	The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by one "general car default" warning light.
	New seats would force everyone to have the same size bottom.
	The airbag system would say ("Are you sure?" before going off)
	Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
	GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice department.
	Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
	You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.